It's sad to think that the human race thrives on judging a person's appearance, choices, religion, sexuality, actions. You name it, we judge it.
And, I, myself, was included in that group of judgmental people.
But, in the last few months, I've began to look at life a little differently.
You see, up until my marriage fell apart I was someone who judged a person's relationship. I judged them for breaking up, separating, divorcing. I judged the choices a couple made, the way they spoke to one another.
And it wasn't until a few short months ago that I began to realize that we really shouldn't judge. You see, none of us know what goes on behind closed doors and so for us to judge, well, it's just not fair.
For someone to make a judgment, they have to know the whole story. That's why when a judge makes his final decision in court it's called a judgment. He's spent countless hours listening to testimony, after testimony, seeing evidence, after evidence. And it's only after he's heard and seen every little detail can he make a fair judgment.
So that's just it, we can't make a fair judgment until we know the full story.
The risk of judgment, I think, has been one of the scariest things for me to come to terms with about ending my marriage.
I'm a people pleaser, a positive person, so for me, I became very good at bottling up the negative just so our marriage would appear picture perfect from the outside. I just couldn't bare the idea of having people question my marriage, the choice I made to get married, my reasons for not being happy. I just couldn't bare the idea of judgment. And so I stayed in that unhappy marriage until my happiness outweighed the judgment.
And that's just what I want people to realize. Most of the time, things aren't as perfect as they appear to be. So this decision we made to separate - it wasn't an overnight decision. In fact, it was a year in the making. It just appeared to people that we came to that decision overnight.
In fact, I angst over this decision for months - not wanting to give up, let go of my vows, become a part of that 50% divorce statistic, have reason for people to judge me.
But really, at the end of the day, my happiness (and his) is what matters most.
So for those that have judged.
Try not to.
Nothing is quite as it appears.