"We do not learn from experience...we learn from reflecting on experience."
- John Dewey
You know those moments in life in which we'd like to forget? Those moments we'd just like to put behind us.....well, as most of you know, 2013 was that moment for me.
I was thinking the other day about my life and my blog and how the two correlate. You see, when those terrible moments were happening last year I had no qualms about "venting" on my blog. But now that those awful moments are behind me, I find myself writing only about frivolous matter. Sure I write silly things about clothes, or items on my wishlists, my favourite at-the-moment things. And sure I share little tidbits that indicate that life is pretty sweet at the moment but, really, now that life is peachy again, I seem to not be sharing any real truths about my life anymore. Who knows what the reasons are - it could be that it's easier to write about negative things, or that part of my healing was getting my thoughts and emotions out on paper (or in a bloggers world, out on the internet).
I don't possess huge amounts of negativity and I'm not an over-sharer, and ironically (since I have a blog), I'm also rather private. And maybe that's why I've been so quiet over the last few months. When I feel content, I don't feel the need to yell it from the rooftops. So, really, life had to be pretty negative at that moment last year for me to share because usually, usually, I can find the good in situations. I'm more of a glass half full kind of girl.
Anyway, recently I started thinking of all the positive lessons that have come out of my divorce.
I mean there are the obvious ones, but I'm more talking about those ones that are deep rooted, that take work to even identify. It's amazing, really, that something so negative could produce such positive lessons. But, really, there are so many.
So, here's my top 10 lessons learned.
1) Before you get married, choose wisely - make sure you have the same goals, the same ideas
about life together. And know that you can't change a person.
2) Talk to your partner. And I mean about the hard things - like children, marriage, living arrangements, family life, money, religion, etc. Unfortunately, those hard topics are what usually hurt a relationship.
3) Make sure he wants to be with you as much as you want to be with him. Don't ever feel like you're begging him for his time.
4) Never settle. If you're not 100% sure about him or if you have any reservations, at all, then it's probably not going to work.
5) Never, ever forget who you really are. You never want to lose yourself - if it's the right person they'll only enhance the wonderfulness that is you.
6) Take care of you. Stay in shape and make an effort with your appearance. You owe it to yourself.
7) Don't be afraid to ask for what you want. And I'm not talking about asking for that designer bag you've had your eye on. I'm talking more about life things, things that are going to make or break the relationship.
8) Know that marriage is hard and that it's not always going to be perfect. And that you're not perfect. And that your partner isn't perfect. And that it takes work and commitment of both parties to make it work.
9) Always, always have each other's back. Know matter what.
10) Don't forget to have fun with each other. Try new things together, evolve together. But the key to all this is to do it together.
And, clearly, I'm not an expert in relationships - I have a failed marriage to prove that. So feel free to take these lessons for what their worth. All I know is that in my first marriage, we failed in all those categories. I now know what I need to work on to make my next marriage last a lifetime.
Mother Teresa said it so perfectly "some people come into your life as blessings. Some come in your life as lessons." And I truly believe that "he" has been my biggest life lesson to date.
So, really, how could I not be thankful for that.