broken.

Last year when my marriage ended, I knew I needed to do something for myself.  I had been so focused on fixing my marriage and the life that was unraveling before my eyes that I stopped doing things to better myself.

I decided that I'd take up running.  I joined a running program and soon fell in love with running and how the sport made me feel.  I could feel the stresses of life melt away when I'd hit the pavement.  I soon started to see changes in my body too.  At that moment, it was a win, win for me.  Physically, I was feeling and looking great and mentally/emotionally, well, I was being healed just by getting outside in the fresh air and running until my little heart was content.

My mom and I had some of our best heart-to-heart talks on those runs - the combination of being outdoors (even in the pouring raining), the physical act of running and those talks that we'd have were the perfect combo for what my heart needed to heal.

I really, REALLY loved it.

My goal was to run the SUN RUN - an annual race that happens in Vancouver every April.

It was not long into my new found hobby that I started to feel some pain in my right hip.  It would be uncomfortable and then okay, uncomfortable and then okay.  But I never really thought much of it until one run when I almost couldn't make it back because I was in so much pain.  It felt like a knife was stabbing me in my hip every time I took a step.  I went home that night, iced it, hobbled to bed in hopes that it just needed to rest for a couple of days.

Well, fast forward to December when I decided that I needed some physiotherapy since the pain was not getting any better.  My physiotherapist diagnosed me with a pinched nerve, told me to stop running for a month and continue with physio treatments.  

That I did and I was back running in January with new found hopes that the hip pain was long behind me.  

Well, not long after I began running again, I had another terrible run where I started to experience that same stabbing-like pain in my pelvis. 

It was at that point that I knew something was definitely wrong but I continued to run because I had a goal, darn it!  

Fast forward to April (and after several visits to my GP, an appointment with a sports medicine doctor and a bone scan).  I was diagnosed with two fractures - one in my hip and one in my pelvis.

I've since had to stop running completely and have now been told to be completely non-weight bearing for at least 6 weeks.  I also couldn't run the SUN RUN.
                                                                                             

So why am I telling you this?

Well, did you know, sometimes, life can suck?  It can be stupid and hard, unfair and unpredictable.  But then, at the same time, it can be sweet and perfect, crazy (in a good way) and fun.

I know that not being able to run in a race wouldn't be the end of the world for a lot of people but I took the news rather hard.  I don't think it was the actual fact of not being able to run the race.  I think it more had to do with my journey to heal.  I felt like that race was my final step in that journey.

My marriage had taken so much away from me and I felt that through running I had gained control of myself again.  The end goal of running that race was just the final step in gaining complete control.  In saying that though, I know now that I didn't need that race to feel myself again.   I totally and completely feel me again (and it didn't take a stupid race to figure that out).

I know I'll get back to running but until then, I'm going to take the time to heal.  I took the time to let myself heal emotionally/mentally.  Not it's time to let my body heal.

And if you see me standing on one leg in outfit photos, you'll know why. ;)

xo, Megan